First Day of School

Monday was Charlie's first day of school, a.k.a. daycare. For some reason it makes me feel much better calling this place "school" rather than daycare. We took him for a short day so he could have a little taste of this strange place before having to take the full plunge of being there day after day, week after week. Fortunately, Neal and I were off work for MLK day, so we were able to take him and pick him up at our leisure. We even took the time alone to go see a movie, something we haven't done since we were pregnant!

Leaving Charlie at the school was much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Charlie has been staying at Nana's since September, and I thought I had already felt the emotions that come with leaving him every day. I honestly believed that I would drop him off and wave goodbye to him excitedly while Neal and I left for a few hours of much deserved adult time away from work. I am excited that he will be among other children his age. I know it will be good for him, he will learn a lot, and he will certainly be happy. But leaving him there really hit me. HARD.

While Neal went to write the enormous check for the next few weeks of daycare, I watched Charlie through the window into his classroom. His teacher, Miss R., sat a happy Charlie on her lap. He looked around at all the new faces. He peered up at Miss N. with curiosity. Miss R. pulled out a book and began to read to my baby. At that moment, I lost it. Looking through that classroom window, I couldn't help feeling torn because this woman was having a moment with Charlie that I wanted to be having, and she will continue to do so for the next several months. My emotions were a mixture of sadness, jealousy, and anger, while at the same time relieved and happy for Charlie. I left a very sad mommy but I was happy knowing that Miss R. is an experienced and capable woman who will care for my child each day. I just wish it could be me.

Did I mention that he already has a cold after less than three days of school?