Belated December Recap and Happy New Year

I don’t typically make New Year’s resolutions. Sure, there’s the usual declaration to be healthier, lose weight, blah, blah, blah. But this year, I decided to forgo any official resolution except for one thing – to try to be a more positive person overall. This spurs from the fact that I have spent much of my life yearning for something that I don’t have, whether it’s my dream job, more time to explore my latent creative side, less debt, etc. Instead of constantly wondering “what if” or thinking about what I don’t have or what I think I need, I plan to focus on those things that I am fortunate enough to have – a wonderful healthy family, a precious yet gargantuan baby, a 2 ½ year old who makes me laugh several times a day, a loving and dedicated husband, a roof over my head, a refrigerator holding food that can feed more than a family of four, a sense of security, a never-ending desire to learn and explore the world, and a little left over for a bottle of wine now and then. And this is the short list. I think I’ve got it pretty good after all.

In honor of my sunnier outlook, I’d like to recap all of the wonderful activities that took place in December.

Charlie attended his first ever parade. We went to the Germantown Holiday Parade and had a fantastic time waving at the floats going by and catching the excessive amounts of candy being thrown from the floats. My favorite part of any parade, though, is the marching bands. I just love to watch these kids play their hearts out and something about the beat of the drums and the sheer volume of it all always give me chills and makes me a little emotional. Weird, but I find marching bands moving. Even at football games, the half-time show always gets me a little choked up. Charlie, on the other hand, got his groove on as the music passed us by.

We also enjoyed a nice – ahem – relaxing day of putting up the Christmas tree. The boys exhausted themselves posing in the Santa hat and trying not to break the glass ornaments. Charlie entertained us with a concert on his “trumpet,” a.k.a. the finial that goes on top of the Christmas tree.

Charlie also performed in his first ever Christmas play. It was absolutely adorable and my thanks go out to Miss Melissa at Evergreen Montessori for putting the whole thing together. I was fortunate enough to be a chauffeur on rehearsal day, and I got to see the pains that go into organizing and managing a production like this. From my perspective, the rehearsal looked like complete chaos and I wondered how they would be able to pull it off on the night of the show. But by the magic dust that I believe Evergreen teachers must have in their arsenals, the production was superb. The kids did a terrific job and I was so proud that Charlie had no qualms about boogying down on the stage. Some of the other kids had a little stage-fright (as would I in that situation), but once Charlie saw me, he started swaying and shaking his booty to the music. He elicited much laughter from the audience, and it made me a little giddy that my kid is such a ham. Where on earth did that gene come from? Unfortunately, that night I came to terms with the fact that my camera is just absolutely useless indoors without extremely bright lights, so none of my pictures are even remotely pleasing.



Charlie was also in awe at the numerous treats he was allowed to ingest during the holiday season. I already mentioned the candy from the parade. He also enjoyed an assortment of Christmas cookies, one of my favorite holiday traditions. This year I made my all-time favorites, bittersweet chocolate cookies with hazelnuts. I also made standard sugar cookies cut into holiday shapes decorated with various shades of sanding sugar. We also enjoyed glittering lemon sandwich cookies from Gourmet Magazine’s annual cookie edition. Y.U.M.M.Y.! Charlie particularly enjoyed daily hot chocolate with a candy cane stirrer. Or, as Charlie pronounces it, “candy can.”

During the month of December, Henry decided to grace us with an abundance of smiles. He has the sweetest little grin that just makes me melt all over.

On Christmas Eve, we went to two separate households – my brother in-law’s and my parents. At my parents’ house, Santa (a.k.a. the neighbor across the street) made an appearance for all of the little ones present. I feared that Charlie might find him a little scary, but he was actually quite happy to sit on Santa’s lap and impress him in hopes of receiving gifts the next day. When I asked Charlie what he thought of Santa’s visit, he said, “He’s soft. And squishy.”

We spent Christmas day at our house with no commitments or plans to go anywhere. That’s just the way we wanted it, and it was lovely. Henry, of course, slept through most of Christmas morning. For Charlie, the experience was entirely different. This was the first year that he understood that Santa would come and bring him presents, so he was very excited.

When he got up on Christmas morning, he tentatively walked into the den. When he saw all of the presents under the tree, he gasped as if he did not believe us all along when we said Santa would bring him presents. Santa wrapped most of the presents, but he left out the super-cool garbage truck (our son has a slight obsession with garbage trucks). When he saw it, Charlie gasped again and said, “He brought me a truck!” And then he meekly asked in a soft scratchy morning voice, “Can I play with it?” Scrumptiously adorable! Henry was, of course, jazzed by all the toys that rattle and that he will eventually be able to chew on.



And finally, my favorite Charlie phrases of the holiday season…

“I think he likes me!”
(Stated after he opened half of his Santa gifts and at various times after Henry has smiled at Charlie)

When asked what Santa was going to bring him for Christmas...
"Santa’s bringing me presidents!”

Indeed he is.

Update

I obviously took a massive break from updating the blog while on maternity leave. It’s amazing how easy it is to ignore the Internet when I don’t have to sit in front of a computer all day. So, here’s the long overdue update and my reluctant step back into the cyber world and work.

I went back to work yesterday after a much too short maternity leave. I can’t say that I am completely heart-broken about leaving my baby and coming back. I am grateful to get back into the real world and out of my baby haze. I am happy to have a reason to get showered and dressed each day, and I am happy to have more routine back in my life. Unfortunately, getting back into that routine means getting back into the daily rush and grind of a working person’s life. I am not happy about that feeling of never having enough time and always having to think three steps ahead of where I am so I don’t completely drop the ball. But, c’est la vie. I’m sure I will get better at it as time goes on. It’s just such a shock to my system right now.

Work is just as I left it. It was nice to learn that I was sorely missed by my bosses, and it was terribly easy to slip back into my desk and my role here in this office. Being back at my desk for only a day, however, is a clear reminder that I need to move on. I need a bit more than what this position offers and I am looking forward to going back to teaching. My biggest fear right now is that the Memphis City Schools might tank and I won’t be able to get a job. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Henry and Charlie are both doing great. Charlie is definitely enjoying being a big brother. He loves to touch Henry and constantly wants to kiss his head. Henry, who would be a perfect baby if he would just sleep through the night, just smiles and giggles at Charlie every time he comes near. And Charlie, of course, gets excited when Henry smiles at him. He says things like, “He’s smiling!” “He likes me!” “He’s happy!” “He’s my best friend!” I just hope this brotherly love continues when Henry wants to play with Charlie’s toys.

Henry, as I’ve said, is an almost perfect baby. When he fusses, he is very easily soothed – unlike Charlie who went through a several week phase of screaming non-stop between the hours of 3:00 and 7:00 p.m. every day. When Henry cries, he almost does it politely. He wails just enough to be heard, but most of the time, when he realizes that you are working toward what he wants (milk, pacifier, sleep, attention), he stops and smiles. The not so perfect part of Henry is his inconsistent sleep pattern. For a long stretch, he slept through the night, allowing the rest of the family to catch up on much needed rest. But for the past week, he has woken up in the wee hours of the morning screaming, jolting everyone else in our small house awake and keeping us that way for almost an hour each time (if not longer). At this point, I refuse to give up hope that he will stop these sporadic awakenings, but the sleep deprivation is starting to get the best of me.

We suffered a nasty cold over the holidays which somehow began with Henry. He slept straight through almost 3 days and then ended up with his first ear infection. Then the cold moved on to Charlie who had a fever and runny nose for two days. And finally, it made its way to me. On Christmas morning, I woke with cold symptoms that continued to get worse and worse over the weekend. I finally went to the doctor when I woke up Monday morning with pain in my cheekbones and teeth. Ahhh…I had a nasty sinus infection. Fortunately, I was over the hump in time to celebrate New Year’s Eve like a 22 year old. Miraculously, Neal was able to dodge the illness altogether.

I think this is the best I can do for the obligatory update post. I hope my next installment will feature Christmas photos and my favorite Charlie phrases about the holidays. After that, I plan to be as random as usual.

Maternity Leave So Far

Not so great things about this maternity leave so far…

1. Two days after I birthed Henry, my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. She had a super high tech robotic hysterectomy and is recovering very well. Her doctors have given her the all clear, so no more treatment is needed (and no more cancer is lurking inside her).

2. My grandmother had to be moved into a nursing home. She is 92 and is the most stubborn independent person I know. She was moved there because she lives on her own and began having spells of panic and dementia. Once moved, doctors discovered that she had a fracture in her back and in her pelvis. With all that pain, no wonder she was in a state of panic! She is also recovering well but hates being away from her home. Unfortunately, she won’t be able to ever live alone again.

3. I got an abscess in my breast. Apparently, when you have a clogged milk duct, you should never take it lightly. Clogged milk ducts are the one thing I actually did obsess over in the beginning with breast feeding. Two weeks into Henry’s life, I got a breast infection from a clogged milk duct that sent me to bed for a day and a half with body aches and fever. After that, I was in a constant state of worry that it would happen again. And it did. And I did not understand the magnitude of what was about to hit. I went to my post partum visit with my doctor and pointed out the increasing mass in my breast. After a very painful mammogram and less painful ultrasound, doctors determined that I had a large abscess in my breast that needed to be drained immediately. One doctor mentioned the possibility of surgery, which sent me reeling in fear. Oddly enough, I had no other symptoms. The following day, I went to a breast surgeon who said that the abcess was due to a ruptured milk duct that leaked milk into breast tissue. The milk then sat there for over a week and grew a nice nasty infection. The doctor was fortunately able to drain it in his office. It was absolutely disgusting but I am well on the way to recovery with a drainage tube still in my breast and some serious antibiotics pumping through my system.

The best thing about maternity leave so far…

And almost just as wonderful is that he has slept through the night 2 nights this week without any prodding or neglect from me or the Professor.

Barack-On!

Five times I've cried in the past two days that have little to do with hormones or sleep deprivation...

1. When I cast my ballot for Barack Obama.

2. When Barack Obama won the election.

3. When the administrator at Howard University was speechless and in tears when CNN (or ABC?) tried to ask her how she felt about the election.

4. When the students said the Pledge of Allegiance this morning at the school where I’m doing my ESL practicum. “One nation…indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” It had a MUCH nicer ring to it today.

6. When I listened to a voicemail from my very Republican sister who said that she really enjoyed Obama's speech last night and that she is looking forward to having him as our president.

Henry

Wednesday, September 17 (sometime between 1:33 and 2:00 a.m.)

It’s been over 6 weeks since my last post. I haven’t posted for several reasons, the most of important of which is the arrival of our newest family member, Henry. He’ll be six weeks old on Wednesday at 1:33 a.m.

Wednesday, September 17 - Charlie's first cuddle with Henry. When he first saw his baby brother, he yelled with excitment, "He came out!"

Above is Charlie's attempt to "play Elmo" with Henry.

First day

Charlie went back to school on Tuesday. Initially, he was very excited. He talked about the friends he would see and the things he would do during the entire trip to school. When we got close, he said, “I see it! There’s my school!” It made me feel so happy that he was looking forward to it. I, too, was looking forward to him going back and getting back into a routine. Not that spending time with grandmothers was a bad thing during that week where school was closed but Mommy and Daddy had to work. I think, though, like most kids, he just does better when he has a routine and knows what to expect.

When we arrived at the school, his smiles and giggles immediately turned into whimpers and tears. We walked into the building and said hello to his teachers, we put his things away, and walked him to the classroom. My poor baby could not take it. Even though he had been spending his days there only a month before, he was not prepared for this departure. Finally, we tried to shuffle him off into the kitchen where other kids were reading books and playing while waiting for everyone to arrive. He looked at me with a quivering lip and red, red eyes and said with a shaky voice, “Bye, Mommy,” and gave me a great big hug. He held it together long enough for me to kiss him goodbye and make my way toward the door. Not two steps down the hall, I heard him lose it and turned to watch Miss M. scoop up my baby and try to comfort him. He tried so hard to be brave, but he just couldn’t keep it together. I’m glad he tried and at least held on long enough until I walked away. Otherwise, I would have started crying right there with him. I managed to hold back my tears until I got to the car.

When we picked him up at the end of the day, he was a happy boy, full of stories to tell about his adventures at school. I asked him about friends from the previous year and he was so excited to tell me about how he played with D., D., C., and G. He also told us in a sing-song voice about how he got to play “in the saaaaaand, on the swiiiinnng, on the plaaaaygrounnnd.” When I asked if he likes his new teacher, Ms. F., he said, “Yeah. She’s pretty.”

While we have continued to have tears accompanied by lots of sweet goodbye kisses at each morning departure, we also have happy stories at the end of each day. The morning commute is also full of anticipation about going to school, so I’m sure we will soon be mostly rid of the tearful goodbyes. He will probably even forbid us to even walk him into the school. I can just see it now - my 2 year old will give his favorite instructions, “You stay here. I do it myself.”

A bit of a rant

I am really getting sick of all the comments that certain people that I spend most of my waking days with continually make about my upcoming maternity leave. It is nice to know that I will be missed, but the underlying guilt trip within these comments is really starting to get on my hormonal nerves. Yes, it’s cute that you think that no one can do my job as well as I can – even though I am an administrative assistant. Hmph! And no, I don’t think I’ll be checking email regularly and checking your calendars daily to make sure you know what you are supposed to be doing on any given day. I also won’t be setting up a nursery in your office so I can be available to you at the drop of the hat during the workday. It’s nice that you offered to decorate and everything, but really, no thanks. And could you please, please, PLEASE! stop making jokes about how you are in denial about the fact that I will be leaving soon to care for my yet to be born child? PLEASE! It is starting to make me angry because I, on the other hand, am not in denial. I am ready, excited, even thrilled about this short and precious time that I will get to spend with my new baby, and the fact that you keep making jokes about how difficult things are going to be for you is beginning to tarnish my positive attitude while I’m still here.

Thanks for hearing me out. I’m done.